I’ve always prided myself on being a patient person. My patience was truly tested when my father remarried after my mom passed away. This patience came in handy again when my in-laws initially tried to get me to break up with my husband before we even got married.
Finding your place in someone else’s family isn’t always straightforward. Take my case, for example. I come from Morocco originally, while my husband, Jeremy, grew up in a deeply conservative family from Georgia. Just imagine the cultural differences! When I met his family, I knew I was in for quite a challenge.
At the tender age of 11, my mom passed away and I immigrated to the US. It felt like my world was falling apart. It wasn’t much later when my dad married a new woman. Adjusting to life in another country and accepting a new woman as my mom was a lot to handle.
My stepmom wasn’t bad by nature, but there was always tension between us. I suspect her inability to have children made her insecure, so she often acted distant towards my sister and me. She did things to annoy us, but thanks to my mom, I learned to keep smiling, even in the face of unkindness.
My mother’s advice to smile through it all served me well. My stepmom’s efforts to upset me eventually faded due to my cheerful demeanor. It’s one of the greatest lessons my mom imparted—how a simple smile can be your best defense.
But dealing with my stepmom was small potatoes compared to Jeremy’s family. The Fergus family presented me with a whole new level of discord when I met them for the first time.
Meeting Leona, Jeremy’s mom, and the rest of the family at a dinner was nerve-wracking. Jeremy and I had been dating for nearly a year, but excuses to avoid inviting me were plentiful. This time, Jeremy wouldn’t take no for an answer and made sure to ask his mom to prepare dishes without pork or alcohol for me. Even then, I wisely ate beforehand, trusting neither their hospitality nor intentions.
The moment we walked into Jeremy’s parents’ house, I was greeted with lukewarm smiles and awkward hugs. The real surprise was when Leona brought over a bubbly blonde named Diane, Jeremy’s former girlfriend. “I thought you two might hit it off,” Leona chirped. Diane seemed apologetically bashful, but greeted Jeremy with obvious familiarity, leaving me feeling sidelined.
Sitting at the dinner table proved even more daunting. Every dish was wrapped in pork, and Leona pointed it out with a perfunctory apology, offering me a drink instead. I declined alcohol, opting for water, all with a polite smile.
Throughout the meal, comments directed at me were passive-aggressive and even bordered on racist, while Diane was flattered endlessly. Nonetheless, I held my ground, showered Diane with compliments, and kept a smile as wide as ever.
While the evening wrapped up, I deliberately refrained from complaining to Jeremy. Handling it was fine for me, yet I noticed a shift—his family dinners were suddenly “family only,” excluding even longtime family friend Diane. They hadn’t driven a wedge between Jeremy and me, much to their surprise, since Jeremy eventually proposed.
As our wedding approached, Jeremy’s family assumed it would be traditional. Instead, we planned a beautiful blend of cultures. When the women arrived in white, hoping to upstage me, I couldn’t help but laugh as I complimented their dresses. My colorful attire dazzled in pictures—much to Leona’s sour chagrin. Our celebration was splendid.
The tension finally boiled over at Christmas when Leona suggested I play hostess. She hoped I’d falter under pressure but didn’t bank on my years of culinary practice. The result? A banquet fit for a king, much to her dismay.
Leona couldn’t bite her tongue any longer and accused me of hiring a catering service to sabotage her reputation. Jeremy, bless him, defended me, praising the two days of labor I put into the feast.
Resolving our differences, I knelt beside Leona, assuring, “This isn’t a competition. I love Jeremy dearly, and I’d love for us to have a peaceful relationship.” She softened, and the hatchet was finally buried. We embraced, and since then, while still having differences, we’ve grown fonder of each other.
This is just a snippet of life’s journeys—the battles we fight quietly in our quest for acceptance and love. It’s a reminder that family, despite its challenges, is about nurturing our bonds, chosen or otherwise.
