Me Green Me

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  MY HUSBAND TOLD ME TO START WALKING TO WORK TO ‘SAVE ON GAS’

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  ONE NIGHT AFTER DANCE CLASS, MY DAUGHTER ANNOUNCED SHE WAS GETTING A NEW MOM WHO WAS HER COACH

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  I ATTENDED THE OPENING OF OUR HIGH SCHOOL TIME CAPSULE AND UNCOVERED THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED 15 YEARS AGO

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  MY HUSBAND MOVED BACK IN WITH HIS MOM WHEN OUR BABY AND I GOT SICK BECAUSE MY COUGH “WAS ANNOYING” HIM

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  I ACCIDENTALLY SAW MY MIL ON A TV SHOW SAYING SHE’S LOOKING FOR A “TRUE WIFE” FOR HER SON

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  MY MOM TRIED TO MAKE ME HATE MY BIOLOGICAL DAD FOR YEARS – AT 18, I FINALLY MET HIM

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  WILD PARTIES AND FALSE COMPLAINTS NEARLY DESTROYED MY LIFE — BUT JUSTICE HITS BACK HARD

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  MY MIL REFUSED TO CLEAN AFTER HERSELF BECAUSE SHE WAS A “GUEST”—SO I MADE HER BLUSH WITH SHAME AND ANGER ONE DAY 

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  MY STEPMOM AND HER ADULT KIDS CHANGED THE LOCKS RIGHT AFTER MY DAD’S FUNERAL—BUT MOM HAD ONE LAST WORD IN THIS CASE

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  A COP TOOK MY SON TO ORDER FOOD—BUT WHAT HE SAID AT THE COUNTER MADE ME FREEZE

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  WE CELEBRATED HER 100TH BIRTHDAY—BUT WHAT SHE WHISPERED AFTER THE CAKE MADE ME RUN COLD

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  MY GRANDMA NEVER SPENT A DAY WITHOUT DRINKING A GLASS OF WINE 80 YEARS—AND LAST NIGHT SHE TOLD ME WHY