Me Green Me

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  SHE REFUSED TO LEAVE HER HOUSE—UNTIL HE SAID THE MAGIC WORDS

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  I WAS HIRED TO CLEAN A STRANGER’S TRUCK—AND FOUND THIS DOG WAITING IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT

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  I SCHEDULED A WASH CYCLE OVERNIGHT—AND SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THE GLASS IN THE MORNING

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  I LEFT THE CITY TO CLEAR MY HEAD—AND ENDED UP WITH FIVE STRAY CHIHUAHUAS

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  I FOUND FOUR BOXER PUPPIES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD—AND ONE OF THEM HAD A COLLAR THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

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  SHE SAID SHE WAS “HELPING ME GARDEN”—BUT I SHOULD’VE KNOWN BETTER

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  SHE LOCKED HERSELF IN THE LIQUOR CABINET—AND THAT’S WHEN THE SOCIAL WORKER WALKED IN

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  THE BABY ON THE FLOOR MADE EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE—BUT I COULDN’T STAY SILENT

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  I ONLY WENT TO WATCH THE DIVE—BUT I LEFT IN AN OXYGEN MASK

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  I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST MY COACH—UNTIL I OVERHEARD WHAT HE SAID ABOUT ME

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  I SIGNED UP TO PICK UP TRASH—BUT LEFT WITH A JOB OFFER

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  I THOUGHT THEY FORGOT ABOUT ME—BUT THEN A DEPUTY HANDED ME THIS