Me Green Me

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  MY HUSBAND INSISTED ON KEEPING A MYSTERIOUS OIL PAINTING OF A WOMAN

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  I WAS DYING—THEN A WHITE STRANGER SAVED ME… BUT HE WASN’T A STRANGER AT ALL

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  I WAS DYING—THEN A WHITE STRANGER SAVED ME… BUT HE WASN’T A STRANGER AT ALL

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  I СAUGHT MY KIDS’ BABYSITTER COMING OUT OF THE SHOWER WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS HOME, SO I TURNED ON THE NANNY CAM THE NEXT DAY.

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  A STRANGER SLIPPED ME A NOTE AFTER A MOM AND DAUGHTER BROKE DOWN IN TEARS AT MY TABLE

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  I FINALLY INTRODUCED MY GIRLFRIEND TO MY PARENTS, BUT MY DAD SHOCKINGLY ALREADY KNEW HER

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  I WOKE UP AT 4 AM TO MAKE BREAKFAST FOR MY HARD-WORKING HUSBAND

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  “YOU CAN’T AFFORD THIS PLACE, KID. AND YOU’RE KINDA DIRTY.” — I TOOK A PICTURE, AND NOW THE WHOLE INTERNET IS HEARTBROKEN

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  AN “INFLUENCER” DEMANDED A FREE PAINTING AND $200 ON TOP OF THAT, THREATENING TO TELL HER FOLLOWERS NOT TO BUY FROM ME IF I REFUSED

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  MY GRANDMOTHERS ARE THE FLOWER GIRLS AT MY WEDDING—AND NOT EVERYONE IS HAPPY ABOUT IT

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  THE COPS CAUGHT ME STEALING 5 EGGS — WHAT THEY DID NEXT LEFT ME IN TEARS

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  I WAS ONE OF THE BABIES JOHN SAVED IN VIETNAM — AND NEITHER OF US KNEW UNTIL NOW