Me Green Me

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  MY WIFE LEFT ME WHEN I LOST MY JOB—NOW SHE WANTS ME BACK AFTER I MADE IT BIG

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  I LIED TO MY BOYFRIEND ABOUT BEING ON BIRTH CONTROL—AND I DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT

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  I TRIED TO SNEAK INTO HIS APARTMENT—BUT THEN THE KEY SNAPPED IN THE DOOR

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  MY ROOMMATE NEARLY BURNED THE PLACE DOWN—AND SHE STILL THINKS I’M OVERREACTING

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  I CRASHED INTO A WALL—AND THAT’S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART

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  SHE GAVE ME $400 IN CASH—AND SAID NOT TO TELL HER HUSBAND

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  WE PACKED THE CAR FOR A GIRLS’ WEEKEND—BUT I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE

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  I ASKED MY SISTER TO MOVE OUT AFTER SHE TRIED TO PARENT MY KIDS

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  MY HUSBAND FORGAVE HIS CHEATING EX—BUT WON’T FORGIVE ME FOR TEXTING A FRIEND

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  SHE ASKED ME IF I WAS OKAY—BUT I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER

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  I REFUSED TO HELP MY MOM AFTER SHE DISOWNED ME FOR WHO I MARRIED

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  THE FEDEX TRUCK WASN’T THE WORST PART—IT WAS WHO CAME OUT OF THE OTHER CAR