Me Green Me

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  I FOUND A STRAY UNDER MY PORCH—A WEEK LATER, SHE HAD TWO PUPPIES IN THE MUD

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  THE LAST TWO PUPS OF THE LITTER WOULDN’T STOP HUGGING—SO I BROKE THE RULE I MADE MYSELF

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  THE DOG THEY WANTED US TO PUT DOWN IS THE ONLY REASON MY DAUGHTER SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT

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  THEY SAID OUR DOG WAS TOO DANGEROUS TO BE AROUND CHILDREN—SHE PROVED THEM WRONG EVERY DAY

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  SHE PICKED THE FLUFFIEST PUPPY IN THE LITTER—BUT I KNEW WE COULDN’T KEEP HIM

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  WE LEFT FOR SEVEN DAYS—AND CAME BACK TO A DOG WHO WOULDN’T EVEN LOOK AT ME

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  SHE COULDN’T FIND THE THING SHE NEEDED—SO I BROUGHT HER SOMETHING BETTER

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  MY DOG GOT MAULED—AND THEN WE GOT BLAMED FOR IT

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  MY DAUGHTER TAUGHT THE “SCARY” DOG HOW TO SMILE—BUT THE LANDLORD DIDN’T CARE

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  MY SERVICE DOG RANG THE DOORBELL—BECAUSE I COULDN’T MOVE

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  I SAVED LIVES FOR A LIVING—BUT I COULDN’T STOP THEM FROM TAKING MY DOG

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  SHE KEPT SAYING, “THEY’LL WAKE UP AND I WON’T BE THERE”—SO I WENT BACK