Me Green Me

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  I CAUGHT GRANDPA PLAYING CHESS IN THE PARK—AND IT BROKE ME IN THE BEST WAY

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  MY NEIGHBOR WARNED ME ABOUT MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW—AND NOW I WISH I’D LISTENED

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  SHE BAKES FOR MY HUSBAND, CALLS HIM “DEAR,” AND LAUGHS A LITTLE TOO LOUD—BUT I’M THE ONE WHO’S SEEN IT ALL BEFORE

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  SHE RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER—BUT THERE WASN’T ANY FIRE

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  MY NEIGHBOR’S SON SAID SOMETHING STRANGE—AND NOW I CAN’T UNHEAR IT

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  AFTER 30 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, I FOUND OUT MY HUSBAND AND THE NEIGHBOR SHARE MORE THAN JUST A FENCE

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  MY HUSBAND RETIRED—AND STARTED SPENDING MORE TIME WITH THE WIDOW NEXT DOOR THAN WITH ME

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  I ONLY WENT TO CHECK ON MY NEIGHBOR—BUT THE NOTICE ON HER DOOR WASN’T FROM THE LANDLORD

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  I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS—UNTIL MY NEIGHBOR TRIED TO TURN MY DAUGHTER AGAINST ME

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  I DRESSED UP AS CINDERELLA FOR FUN—BUT HE THOUGHT I WAS SOMEONE ELSE

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  I CONFIDED IN HER LIKE A FRIEND—BUT MY NEIGHBOR TOOK WHAT I SAID AND SPREAD IT THROUGH THE WHOLE BLOCK

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  MY NEIGHBOR AND I HAD A FIGHT OVER FENCE LINES—AND NOW MY DOG’S GONE MISSING