Me Green Me

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  THE SCHOOL SUMMONED ME TO DISCUSS MY SON’S BEHAVIOR, BUT THE JANITOR PULLED ME ASIDE AND WHISPERED, ‘THEY’RE LYING TO YOU’

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  MY FIANCÉ CANCELLED OUR WEDDING BECAUSE HIS MOM DIDN’T APPROVE OF ME—SO I INVITED HIM TO A “FAREWELL DINNER” TRAP

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  I SAW MY HUSBAND CHEATING ON ME WITH MY FRIEND ON HIS BIRTHDAY — MY MOTHER MADE A PERFECT PLAN TO GET BACK AT HIM

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  I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN’T KNOW MY SISTER HAD A SECRET CHILD—I UNDERSTOOD WHY WHEN I SAW THE CHILD

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  THEY LAUGHED WHEN I SAID I MILK COWS—BUT THEN CAME THE REUNION

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  HE TOOK MY ROW SEAT ON THE PLANE—BUT I SHUT HIM DOWN WITH ONE SENTENCE

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  A POLICE OFFICER FIXED THE BROKEN PLAYGROUND HORSE—AND FOUND SOMETHING HIDDEN INSIDE IT

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  MY DOG STOLE A HOT DOG AT THE BALLGAME—BUT INSTEAD OF GETTING MAD, THE CROWD DID SOMETHING I NEVER EXPECTED

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  MY HUSBAND TOOK THIS FAMILY PHOTO WITH ME—AND HOURS LATER, I FOUND OUT WHAT HE’D REALLY BEEN PLANNING

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  A HIGHWAY PATROL OFFICER HELPED FIX OUR TIRE—AND THEN RECOGNIZED MY HUSBAND FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE

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  OUR LAST TRIP TOGETHER—AND NONE OF US KNEW WHY DAD KEPT LOOKING AT HIS WATCH

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  THE DAY MY HORSE RECOGNIZED ONE OF THE OFFICERS—AND REFUSED TO MOVE