Me Green Me

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  THE SICK DOG NEVER LEFT DAD’S HOSPITAL BED—AND SOMEHOW, THEY RECOVERED TOGETHER

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  31-YEAR-OLD HELD HIS TWIN NEWBORNS FOR THE FIRST TIME—AND THEN HE WHISPERED SOMETHING THAT MADE US ALL PAUSE

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  GRANDMA SAID SHE’D HAVE A COFFEE A DAY AND “GO WITH THE GIRLS”—BUT NONE OF US KNEW WHAT SHE REALLY MEANT

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  MY GRANDPA GOT A FACE TATTOO WHEN HE WAS YOUNG—AND NOW MY GRANDMA’S GOT ONE TO MATCH (SORT OF)

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  BRAVE MUM WELCOMES BABY AND LOSES HER LEG—ALL IN JUST 6 MONTHS

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  THIS BOY TURNED THREE IN A HOSPITAL BED—AND WE NEVER EXPECTED HIS REACTION TO THE SURPRISE WE PLANNED

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  MY COUSIN STOLE THE INHERITANCE TO BUY AN ENGAGEMENT RING—AND THEN SHE SAID “NO”

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  I OFFERED LIFETIME COFFEE TO THE POLICEMAN WHO STOPPED ME IN TRAFFIC

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  DAYS AFTER I OPENED A PANINI BAR, MY BIOLOGICAL MOM SHOWED UP—LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED

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  I HELD MY NEWBORN TWINS FOR THE FIRST TIME—AND THAT’S WHEN THE NURSE TOLD ME THE TRUTH

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  GRANDPA RECEIVED “TREATMENT” FROM HIS GRANDDAUGHTER—AND THEN SAID SOMETHING NONE OF US EXPECTED

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  MY DAUGHTER “STOLE” OUR NEIGHBOR’S DOG—AND I ONLY FOUND OUT BECAUSE OF HER PAJAMAS