That’s my dad.
On his quad, dogs in tow, tearing down the same country lane he’s driven a thousand times. He calls it his “daily run.” Same time every morning, rain or shine, since I was six years old.
He never misses it. Not for holidays. Not for birthdays. Not even for Mum’s funeral.
People in the village say he’s a legend. That he’s “part of the land.” That the farm runs on him and his dogs more than it ever did on diesel.
But me? I left.
Packed my life into a secondhand hatchback and drove to the city the day after my eighteenth birthday. I wanted something that didn’t smell like hay, didn’t start at 5 a.m., didn’t involve chasing sheep uphill in January.
And yet here I am again. Back for the weekend. Supposedly just for a “visit.”
Except yesterday, over cold tea and burnt toast, he says, “The farm’ll be yours, you know. Someday soon.”
Just like that. No warning. No emotion. Like he’s passing me the salt.
I stared at him across the kitchen table. Looked at his mud-caked boots, the cut on his knuckle he didn’t bother cleaning, the little pile of dog biscuits in his coat pocket like always.
And I realized something I never wanted to admit:
He’s getting tired.
The dogs still run like they’re two years old, but he’s not. His steps are slower. His hands shake a little when he thinks no one’s watching.
I should feel honored. Grateful. But all I feel is dread.
Because I built a life that has nothing to do with cows or fences or fog on the fields. And if I take this from him—his life, his rhythm—I’ll lose the last piece of who he is.
But if I don’t…
If I say no…
I watched him drive off this morning, dogs bouncing in the back, smoke curling from the chimneys behind him.
And I whispered, “I can’t.”
By mid-afternoon, I decided to clear my head with a walk. The fields were familiar but strange now, like an old friend whose face you’ve forgotten. The air smelled of earth and grass, sharp and grounding. My phone buzzed constantly in my pocket—emails from work, reminders about meetings—but out here, those things felt distant, almost laughable.
As I wandered near the edge of the property, I heard laughter. It wasn’t Dad; he rarely laughed anymore. Following the sound, I found myself at the old barn where we used to store hay. Inside, there was a group of kids, maybe ten or twelve of them, sitting cross-legged on bales while a young woman held up a lamb.
“This,” she said, pointing to its wooly coat, “is what keeps them warm during winter. But they need your help too. Who wants to feed it?”
Hands shot up eagerly, and the kids giggled as she handed each of them a bottle filled with milk. She caught sight of me lingering by the door and smiled. “Hey there! Want to join us?”
“Uh, no thanks,” I stammered. “What’s going on here?”
She stood up, brushing straw off her jeans. “Oh, sorry! I’m Clara. Your dad lets me use the barn for these little workshops. We teach kids about farming and animals. It’s kind of a community project.”
My jaw dropped. Dad letting someone else use his barn? For free? This wasn’t the man I remembered—the stubborn, fiercely independent farmer who barely tolerated neighbors borrowing tools.
Clara must have seen the confusion on my face because she added, “He’s been amazing, actually. Says he likes seeing the place full of life again. Plus, it helps keep the younger generation connected to the land.”
I couldn’t believe it. All this time, I’d thought Dad clung to the farm because it defined him. But maybe… maybe he stayed because it could mean something bigger than just him.
That night, after dinner (which consisted of reheated stew and awkward silences), I finally worked up the courage to ask him about it. “Dad, why do you let Clara use the barn?”
He shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “Keeps the roof from leaking worse. Besides, those kids remind me of you when you were little. Always asking questions, poking around.”
I blinked. “You remember that?”
“Course I do.” He looked away, almost embarrassed. “You loved it here once. Thought you’d take over someday.”
His words hit me harder than I expected. Maybe because they weren’t angry or disappointed—they were wistful. Sad, even. For the first time, I saw how much he’d hoped I’d stay. How much he’d missed me.
“But I didn’t,” I said softly. “And now you think I should come back?”
“Nope.” He shook his head firmly. “Not unless you want to. Farm ain’t worth ruining your life over.”
I stared at him, stunned. “Then why did you tell me it’d be mine someday?”
“Because it will be,” he replied simply. “Whether you live here or not. But owning it and running it are two different things.”
It took me a moment to process what he meant. “So… you wouldn’t expect me to move back?”
He chuckled dryly. “Nah. You’ve got your own life. Wouldn’t dream of taking that away from you. Just figured you deserved to know.”
Relief washed over me—but also guilt. Here I’d been, assuming he only cared about keeping the farm alive through me. Instead, he’d already made plans to ensure it survived without me.
“What happens to it, then?” I asked. “If I don’t run it?”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “Been talking to Clara. Turns out she grew up on a farm herself. Knows the ropes better than most. If you’re okay with it, I reckon she could take over properly. Keep things going.”
My heart sank—not because I disliked the idea, but because it hurt to realize how easily everything could go on without me. Yet, at the same time, it felt right. Clara clearly loved the land, just like Dad. And unlike me, she hadn’t spent years trying to escape it.
“I think that sounds good,” I admitted quietly. “Better than good, actually.”
Dad nodded, satisfied. Then, with a twinkle in his eye, he added, “Though you might wanna stick around long enough to learn how to drive the tractor. Never know when it’ll come in handy.”
Over the next few days, I helped Dad around the farm more than I had in years. Together, we fixed fences, checked on the cattle, and even gave Clara a crash course on operating the combine harvester. At first, I worried I’d feel out of place, like I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. But instead, I found myself smiling more often than I had in months.
One evening, as the sun dipped below the hills, painting the sky orange and pink, Dad and I sat on the porch sipping cider. The dogs sprawled at our feet, exhausted from another long day of running.
“You know,” he said suddenly, breaking the peaceful silence, “your mum would’ve liked Clara.”
I turned to look at him, surprised. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He smiled faintly, staring off into the distance. “She had the same spirit. Knew how to make people care about the land. About home.”
For the first time in ages, I didn’t feel the urge to argue or change the subject. Instead, I reached over and squeezed his hand. “I think Mum would’ve liked her too.”
We sat there for a while longer, watching the stars appear one by one. In that moment, I realized something important: home isn’t a place—it’s the people who make it special. Whether I lived here or not, this farm would always be part of me. And so would Dad.
When I returned to the city on Monday morning, I felt lighter somehow. Freer. Knowing the farm was in capable hands—and that Dad understood my decision—made all the difference.
A month later, I received a package in the mail. Inside was a small wooden box containing a key and a note written in Dad’s shaky handwriting:
“Figured you’d need this eventually. Keeps the gate unlocked. Come visit anytime.”
I smiled, tucking the key safely into my desk drawer. One day, I promised myself, I’d go back—not because I had to, but because I wanted to.
Life Lesson:
Sometimes, letting go doesn’t mean losing everything—it means making space for new beginnings. By embracing change and trusting others, we honor the past while building a brighter future.
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