“I have to go to my doctor’s appointment now. I’ll see you later.”
After he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television. A news report came on that someone was driving down the highway backward at high speed! The reporter said, “Authorities are baffled by this bizarre incident. We don’t know why the driver is doing this or how they even managed to reverse their car onto the freeway!”
The wife gasped. She immediately grabbed her phone and called her husband.
“George!” she exclaimed. “Are you driving backward? Is everything okay?”
George replied, “Of course not, Ethel! This newfangled GPS keeps telling me to ‘turn around’… so I did!”
His wife nearly dropped the phone laughing but quickly regained her composure. “You’ve got to pull over right now!” she insisted.
“But darling,” George protested, “I can’t stop here! There’s a sign that says ‘Keep Moving,’ and I figured it must mean what it says!”
Ethel sighed deeply and asked, “Where are you headed anyway?”
“To the doctor,” George answered matter-of-factly. “Remember? For that cholesterol test you nagged me about all week.”
Ethel groaned. “George, honey, we live in Florida! You’re supposed to turn off at Exit 72, not drive straight into Georgia!”
George paused for a moment before responding, “Well, maybe if these lane markers were written in cursive instead of block letters, I could read them better!”
By now, Ethel was clutching her sides from laughter. But then she remembered something important. “George, listen carefully—did you remember to bring your reading glasses?”
There was silence on the other end of the line. Finally, George admitted, “Uh… no. That’s probably why I thought the hospital exit sign said ‘Dairy Queen.’ I already ordered a Blizzard.”
Ethel burst out laughing again. “Oh, George, just promise me one thing while you’re lost and confused out there…”
“What’s that, dear?”
“Don’t forget to honk when you pass the retirement home! Let everyone know you’re still alive—and apparently driving like a bat out of hell!”
As Ethel hung up, she shook her head fondly. Sure, George might be navigating life (and freeways) with all the precision of a blindfolded turtle, but she wouldn’t trade him for anything. After all, who else would make her laugh so hard she needed a hip replacement?
