Honestly, I’m kinda confused… I got engaged around a month ago. When she moved in with me, it was the first time we discussed finances, and she was shocked to learn I made 15x her salary. She then asked for a diamond engagement ring that cost $15,000.
After the proposal, she told me she was planning to quit her job and be a stay-at-home fiancée. When I tell people the reason she gave me, they laugh in my face because she said she wants to quit her job to have enough time to plan the wedding.
People say my fiancée is a gold digger and she’ll never get back to work after the wedding. I’m not really comfortable with my future wife not having a career at such a young age.
I want to support my future wife and I love her, but I’m really confused… Is being a stay-at-home-fiancée a real thing? Should I be concerned?
I decided to sit down with her and have a real, honest conversation about it. I told her, “Look, I want to understand where you’re coming from, but I also need to feel like we’re making a responsible decision together. Can you explain why you feel you need to quit your job to plan the wedding?”
She hesitated for a moment before responding, “Well, I just want everything to be perfect. There are so many details to take care of, and I don’t want to be distracted by work. Plus, you make so much more than me. It just makes sense.”
I nodded but pressed further. “Okay, I get that wedding planning takes time, but most people manage to do it while still working. And what about after the wedding? Do you plan to go back to work?”
She smiled and said, “I don’t know. I mean, if we’re financially comfortable, why would I? I could focus on making our home beautiful, taking care of you, and maybe starting a family.”
That was the moment I felt my stomach drop. Not because I was against the idea of a traditional setup where one partner stays home—but because this had never been discussed. I had always imagined being with someone who had career goals and ambitions of her own.
“I just… I don’t know if that’s what I want,” I admitted. “I always thought we’d be partners in every sense, including financially.”
She frowned. “So you don’t want to take care of me? You don’t love me enough to give me a comfortable life?”
That hit me hard. “It’s not about that. It’s about making sure we’re both happy long-term. I love you, but I don’t want resentment to build because we didn’t talk about our expectations.”
She went quiet, then said she needed time to think. Over the next week, I noticed a change in her behavior. She was distant, less affectionate, and would sometimes make comments like, “Must be nice to have so many options in life,” or “I wish I had the luxury of making the kind of money you do.”
Then, one evening, I got home to find her crying. She confessed, “I talked to my sister, and she thinks I was being unfair. She reminded me that just because you make more money doesn’t mean I shouldn’t contribute in some way. I think I was just scared. I hate my job, but I don’t know what I actually want to do.”
That was the first time she admitted she wasn’t just chasing comfort—she was lost. We spent hours talking that night, and I realized that maybe it wasn’t about her wanting to be taken care of, but more about her feeling trapped in a job she hated with no clear way out.
We agreed to a compromise. She wouldn’t quit her job immediately but would start exploring other career options she might actually enjoy. If she truly wanted to leave, she would at least work on building a skill or a business idea instead of just depending on me.
And as for the wedding? We agreed that planning shouldn’t be a full-time job. We could hire a planner if needed, but quitting work just for that wasn’t reasonable.
It was a tough conversation, but it made me realize something: Relationships aren’t just about love. They’re about aligning values and making sure both people feel secure in their future together. If I had ignored my gut feeling and just gone along with it, I probably would have built resentment over time.
For anyone reading this and feeling unsure about their own situation—trust yourself. Have the hard conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable. Love isn’t just about feelings; it’s about choices.
If you found this story interesting or helpful, share it with someone who might need to hear it! And let me know—have you ever had to have a tough conversation like this?
