I’m a 45-year-old lawyer and have done well financially, so I try to help my family where I can. My younger brother, Adam, who’s 40, and his wife, Laura, 38, have two kids: Emma, 16, and Jake, 12. Emma and I have always been close.
She’s bright, ambitious, and passionate about her future. Jake, on the other hand, is harder for me to connect with—he’s rebellious, struggles in school, and doesn’t seem to care much about anything.
Two years ago, Adam and Laura asked if I could help with Emma’s private school tuition. They couldn’t afford it, but Emma had her heart set on attending. She even wrote me a heartfelt letter explaining why the school mattered to her and how she planned to make the most of it.
Her sincerity and determination really impressed me, so I agreed to cover half her tuition. Since then, Emma has thrived—she’s a straight-A student, deeply involved in extracurriculars, and even looking at top colleges. I couldn’t be prouder of her.
Recently, Adam and Laura came to me again, asking for the same financial help for Jake. This is where things get tricky. Jake is nothing like Emma.
He’s been suspended multiple times, doesn’t put effort into his studies, and honestly, he’s a bit of a handful. Over the years, I’ve tried to bond with him, but he’s always been dismissive. From what I’ve seen, school isn’t something he cares about, and he hasn’t shown the same drive Emma did.
I told Adam and Laura that I didn’t feel comfortable paying for Jake’s private school tuition because I didn’t see it as a good investment. They were furious. Laura accused me of playing favorites and said I was making Jake feel like a “lost cause.” Adam said I was causing division in their family by treating their kids differently.
Things escalated when Jake overheard part of the conversation. Laura later called me in tears, saying Jake now feels rejected and has been comparing himself to Emma, asking why he isn’t “good enough.”
I explained my reasoning: I didn’t just give Emma money; she earned it by showing she was serious about her education. I even suggested using the money to pay for tutoring or extracurricular activities Jake might enjoy, but they rejected the idea, saying it wasn’t the same.
Now my parents are involved, and they think I’m being too harsh. They believe private school could give Jake the structure he needs to improve his behavior and that I should give him the same opportunity I gave Emma. Meanwhile, other family members are divided. My sister agrees with me, saying Adam and Laura are entitled for expecting me to bankroll both kids’ educations.
The tension is growing, and I’m starting to feel like the bad guy. I love my nephew and hate that he feels rejected, but I can’t shake the feeling that this would be a waste of money. At the same time, I’m worried this could permanently damage my relationship with my family.
Am I wrong for refusing to pay for Jake’s private school tuition?
